Sacrifices
by TheMysteryOwl
Summary: A little glimpse into Clarke's childhood and Abby's thoughts on being a parent. Disclaimer: I am not a parent, but I love their relationship and wanted to write about it because I didn't see a lot of fics like it.


Abby's hands shook as she washed the blood off her hands under the faucet. She had been wearing gloves, but this was a precautionary measure- and also, a paranoid measure. She had been staring herself down in the mirror with her hands rubbing together under the faucet for a good five minutes.

"Abby, you're wasting water," Dr. Copperton said, delicate hand pushing against the faucet.

Abby blinked a few times and swallowed down the bile that attempted to rise up her esophagus, but it was only replaced with a threatening sob that she suppressed as well. She tried not to hyperventilate.

"You helped saved a life, today, Abby." Dr. Copperton asserted. "Excuse me, Dr. Griffin."

"I took one, too," Abby spoke quietly, her voice feeling foreign.

"That's how it goes, sometimes." Copperton crossed his arms. "It's hard to find someone with the same blood type with the Ark's small population. It wasn't much better on Earth."

"She just gave him her heart." Abby could feel the tears forming at the base of her eyelids. "I… I don't understand."

"A good parent makes many sacrifices." He put his hand on her shoulder, wise eyes filled with understanding and wisdom. "You should take the rest of the day off, Dr. Griffin. I know the toll this must take on you. Anyway, you should be spending time with your new fiancé."

 _Jake._

That seemed to be the only thing keeping her on her feet as she drifted towards his- _their_ \- quarters. She fumbled for the key at the door, but Jake had heard her unlocked it. Abby fell into his strong embrace, no longer fighting back the tears.

Jake was taken aback. "Rough day at work?"

"We're never having a kid."

"What? Why not?" Jake pulled back gently, gazing at Abby with his soft blue eyes. "You love kids, you're amazing with them. I've seen how well they listen when you work on them."

"I couldn't make the sacrifices," Abby all but sobbed out.

"What do you mean?"

"I transplanted a heart from a woman to her son. She _died_ for her son. How do I know I'd do that if given the chance?"

Jake brought Abby back into his arms again, swaying side to side. "Sure you would, sure you would; you're the bravest, most loving person I know. Besides, what are the chances our kid would suffer from heart failure?"

* * *

Abby looked at the clock- 7:30 AM. She'd been here for 24 hours now, treating the newest illness that had swept the Ark. It wasn't entirely lethal, except to very young children and the elderly, but with Copperton still recovering from a nasty fall, their lives were in her hands.

She was absolutely exhausted- every movement felt like she was moving underwater, and her eyes dazed in and out of a dream, dizzying her. When was the last time she'd eaten? But, as everyone knew, Abby was a workaholic- she thought, if she just kept moving, she'd be fine.

The next thing she knew, Coppterton was in front of her with a sling around his arm. His face was grim but his eyes smiled, as always.

"Doctor?"

"Dr. Griffin, I need to talk to you for a moment."

"I have some patients waiting-"

"They can wait, we have interns for a reason," he said, referring to Jackson who had just ran out of the room. The kid had managed an internship at 17 and already knew the ropes. "This can't."

"Ok, sir."

"Dr. Griffin- I'm resigning from my position as chief medical advisor."

"Sir!" Abby gasped. "You can't- who-"

"You and I both know my arm will never fully recover. I can't do surgeries anymore. I'm getting old anyway, Griffin, and I have the perfect replacement."

"Ok," Abby said collecting herself, trying to keep Copperton's face in the front of her mind but pure exhaustion kept her struggling to keep a grip on reality. She'd had longer shifts than this, but this one was extra strenuous.

"You're my replacement, Dr. Griffin. I've known since the beg…"

Abby woke up with an IV in her arm and the distant shuffling of the hospital wing's staff. She could hear some faint voices, but couldn't quite place where they were coming from.

"Did the test results come in?" Copperton's voice.

"Yes, sir, here they are."

"I- Oh."

"Dr. Copperton?" Abby asked in a raspy voice, dazed but more coherent after a few moment's sleep. Sleep. How long had she been asleep?

"Woah, stay down and rest. You're gonna want to sit down for this one."

Abby complied. "What's wrong with me, Doc?"

"Congratulations Abby. You're pregnant."

In that second Abby's entire life crashed down. A baby? At a time like this, when her career was taking off and she was going to be busier than ever? She was hoping that she could wait until she was older, and she was a little more settled. Then, she wouldn't be desperately trying to please the chancellor while trying to raise a kid.

Copperton had never been good at keeping silence. "Listen, my offer still stands, but if you don't want to take it I can offer it to someone else. You can still keep your job now, of course- I'll make sure of it. You're a gifted doctor."

She thought of the heart transplant, when the woman flatlined and the boy now had his mother's heartbeat. Sacrifices, as Copperton had said- Abby might have to sacrifice her entire career to stay at home and take care of a baby.

"Can I think about it?"

He nodded. "I called in your husband, he should be here shortly. In the meantime, rest. Take your time."

Abby couldn't help but be a little irritated, but it melted away as Jake ran in, winded but looking like a little boy who had just been given a chocolate bar. "I'm sorry I couldn't come sooner but I was in a meeting and- you're gonna be a mom!"

"And you're going to be a dad," Abby said, smiling back at him. Jake sat beside her and took her hand. Abby's smile faded and she struggled to hold back tears. "I got offered a new position. I don't know whether to take it, now…"

"What's the position?" Jake asked.

"Chief Medical Advisor."

Jake turned his head in surprised. "Damn! Go for it!"

"What about the- our-?" Abby couldn't seem to spit it out all the way. "I want to raise him or her the best we can. I might have to sacrifice..."

Jake kissed her hand. "I work days and you work nights. We'll figure it out somehow. This job is your dream, and I think you should take it. This is all good news, this is a happy day!"

He pulled her into a hug, and Abby allowed her day to be happy.

* * *

She was perfect. So little- Abby had helped deliver many babies but none seemed so small. When they placed her in her arms, Abby cried into her soft new skin, and felt a new kind of love that she had never experienced before. She had been so scared, pouring herself into her work and trying to ignore the life growing within her, but she now knew this was something she was meant to do.

"What's her name?" Jackson asked Jake quietly, aware that his boss was fully absorbed.

"Clarke," Jake said. "Like the man who explored America."

"That's a good name, sir," Jackson said, writing 'Clarke Griffin' on the birth certificate.

"It is," Abby whispered, not looking up. It was in that moment she realized that she would do anything for Clarke.

* * *

"Mommy?"

Clarke tugged at Abby and she picked her up. They both had their hair in fishtail braids because Clarke had wanted "hair like Mommy's." The staff was used to seeing them together in the less scary places of the hospital wing, now, as her having to work days often impeded on Jake's original plan.

"Mommy's a little busy right now, Clarke. Can it wait?"

"I'm bored. I wanna make a picture."

Abby sighed. "You already made a picture today. You'll have to play a game instead."

"Why can't I make another picture?" Clarke's bottom lip stuck out and she crossed her arms. This was the first time she'd ever questioned it- It broke Abby's heart that something as simple as drawing was so complicated. And for being four years old, Clarke was so good at it.

"We've talked about this. Paper is expensive."

"What does expensive mean?"

"It means it costs a lot of money."

"Why?"

"Because there's not a lot of trees to make paper. There was on Earth."

"Can we go back to Earth?"

Abby paused. That was a complex question. "Maybe one day, Clarke. Can you go play a game?"

"Ok, mommy."

* * *

The boy coughed up blood into his tissue. His eyes sunk into his skull, and his pail skin was a clear sign of what Abby had feared. This was a remnant of the Virus that had struck the ark ten years ago. If this was ten years ago, it would have been easy to get this boy the medicine he needed and get him on his way, but most of that medicine was used up…

"What is it? You're not telling me something." His father tried to make eye contact with Abby, but she looked away.

"Mr. Murphy, but John has Virus 21-B."

"Oh, that's it?" Mr. Murphy laughed in obvious relief, and Abby winced. "I had that, too, a few years back. There's a treatment, right?"

"Yes…" Abby shifted uncomfortably. She hated telling people bad news- perhaps she went into the wrong field. "But it's a hundred dollars a dosage."

"A DOSAGE?" Mr. Murphy turned bright red. "I can't afford that! I work in the labor station!"

"If I could, I would give it to you for free, but you and I both know that would get us both floated. I'm sorry, I can give him a cheaper medicine to ease the pain, but he doesn't have much time left…"

The man fell down into tears, and Abby could do nothing but watch.

"Hi mom!"

Clarke had impeccable timing, closing the door behind her with her backpack. Her eyes widened at the man breaking down before her, but as she was about to leave she caught sight of John, whose legs were swinging back and forth on the examination table, unaware of what was happening. Abby watched as she grabbed a lollypop from the jar. She would have been worried if Clarke had not already survived the illness.

"This will help your throat." Clarke said as she handed a red one to John.

"Thanks."

Where had her daughter learned to be so kind?

* * *

Abby had been at a stalemate. Either way her family could be pulled apart. She thought, maybe if Jaha knew, he could talk some sense into Jake and he wouldn't get floated… but she was wrong. Fear does these things to people. As Clarke broke down in Abby's arms, she can't help but wonder if she'd done the right thing. She'd prevented anarchy, maybe, but she killed her husband, who had always been there for her, who had always convinced her that her instinct was right. She deprived her daughter of her father. This time, her instinct was wrong. It was a wonder that Clarke didn't hate her.

And then, they took Clarke away, too. They wouldn't even let Abby talk to her. As she entered her empty apartment, she shrunk to the floor and sobbed. She had failed. Jake was floated, and in a year, Clarke would be, too, and she would have nobody left.

"What are we doing?"

Sending 100 children down- they were just children. Before catching Clarke on the way out of her prison, she hadn't seen her in a year. How had she still managed to become more beautiful? At least when held in solitary confinement, Abby knew where she was. But this wasn't just Clarke, lying there in a stretcher who had never done anything wrong but hoping to tell the people what they deserved to hear, but 99 other children down whose parents had no idea where they would be.

This is better than floating, Abby told herself, perhaps more as a way to get her to sleep at night. Whether the ground was survivable or not, Clarke wouldn't spend her 18th birthday waiting for a trial to sentence her to death. Maybe, if the ground is survivable, Clarke would have a chance at life. Humanity would have a chance at life. If not… Clarke would be gone… and humanity doomed. It was a risk, a sacrifice she would have to make.


End file.
